Decisions! Decisions! Decisions!

Decisions are never easy and they are even harder when you know that the decision you make for the best, is the one that hurts you the most. Take this week for example, I've been offered the opportunity to work on a website I feel has great potential and one I know I can get very excited about. Unfortunately, taking this on has meant taking a good hard look at my current commitments, knowing that I would have to cut at least one loose. Since I write on things that really interest me, I knew this would be difficult, but what made it worse was when I looked at how much time I spent on each project, it was obvious that I had to resign from the one that was closest to my heart. How do we get into such situations? I could have kept this one, and let go of two others in its place, but where would the logic in that be - esp as the other projects pay at least something, and the one I've had to let go is more or less speculative. Sometimes life is very difficult. 

I considered the fact that if I could get myself out of bed earlier, then I'd perhaps have time to do all of the projects, but that's an unrealistic goal given the other demands on my time. I considered asking my partner for more time, but that would be unfair considering how much time Mikael gives me now and that his work-time is what pays the bills. No, I had to face facts. Something had to go, and it was my History Education site that bought it. My head says that it's the right thing, and it was slave-conditions anyway and I'm better off not doing it because even with the new site, I'll have more time to devote elsewhere - but my heart doesn't understand that. My heart just knows that it has lost a writing project that helped my spirit to soar - and is already working on ways to do a similar project somewhere else further down the road.

On a happier note this week, we took Jake to the hospital on the baby clinic's referral because they weren't happy with his size. Well he is small - a tiny 14.5lb/24 inch 10.5 month old - but the hospital say that otherwise he's doing fine. Full of energy and mischief just as a baby boy should be. Although I felt that everything was ok, it was good to have affirmation of that by the hospital doctor who has checked him over for the past months since he left neonatal.

My health issues are finally clearing. The diabetes is now being treated with medication and that's helping enormously. I'm not up for running a marathon yet, but at least I can open my eyes in a morning without first counting how many hours there are until I can flop into bed again! Baby steps - but all steps forward are steps in the right direction!

Katie-Anne, 2001